Stressed

 Things have been crazy.

Without getting into great detail, suffice to say that the last 6 months have been a roller coaster of emotions. Changes upon changes within the world itself, peppered with changes within our home, with our people and pets... after a certain point, your brain is unable to keep up. In fact, some of the changes I have forgotten have happened. The tidy filing cabinet of my mind, that constantly sorts, prioritizes, updates, moves folders has had jammed drawers, ripped files, and keeps getting stuck. There is so much going on that sometimes when I focus on the outside of our home world, another calamity has struck, another storm, another heat wave, another pompous individual pulling our culture back 20 years, segregation, a change of laws... So I retreat back into the home, into the bubble of our family and remember... oh yeah, that there are so many things here to keep up with. But at least that part is more manageable. Not less stressful because the changes that have happened in the home are huge and permanent.

I hadn't been reading like I was at the beginning of the year. But I have been burying myself in entertainment. Re-reading Ms Marvel, watching Ms Marvel, watching movies in the theatre. Watching shows I wouldn't normally try. To make room to work on a couple of projects, I skipped my workouts for 2 weeks and pushed my wakeup time later.

I realized that even though I needed to find time to do certain things, that pushing off the workouts for two weeks to do that let all the world events seep into my brain and not leave. They were tainting my well-being, making me irritable and frustrated. My natural inquisitive and creative nature was falling away from me and all I was doing was absorbing the world around me. Did I get those other projects done? Yeah, I did.

But I guess it was worth it. I finished the project. I stopped creating for two weeks and instead of being buried in my own creations, I marveled over others creations. I took in some outside stimuli, learned a little, remade connections, and now I am ready to get back to the routine.